My guess is, she thinks she's more qualified to take care of my child than I am, and he doesn't have the ba!!s to stand up to her. Okay, so be it. Sure, he can blow a bunch of smoke out of his hind end about it to me... but just the same, that's what I think.
I don't expect him to have the strength or emotional maturity to set those kind of boundaries; he's proved over and over and over that he doesn't.
My guess is he actually doesn't give a rat's ass about whether you feel she is muscling in on your territory/judging your parenting and is playing the two of you off against each other.
but you can't force him to step up and
be a parent, so whilst you don't have to discuss things with her, maybe the best you are going to get is accepting that there is another person in the world who wants the best for your daughter?
My guess is, SHE is actually a lot like US, given that she is living with an alcoholic man.
yes, so her heart is probably in the right place, but we all know how our we-know-best motivation and judgemental sides can get the better of us, and how by "helping" we can make things worse. I am NOT looking forward to when exah gets a lovely, new, girlfriend who tries to "help" him get different contact terms, tries to smooth communications between us, meddles in parenting decisions etc, and I don't care if there is one person whom he marries and stays with forever, or if there are a series of lovely codies one after another.
I have step parents, they came into my life when I was a young adult, so I imagine that colours my perception, I am very fond of both of them, really happy that my parents love them, and respect them as elders and grandparents to my children, and their wishes when I am in their respective homes etc. But they are not my parents, and frankly have no role in "parenting" me, on the few occassions that either of them have wandered into that territory, I have resented it hugely, thanked them for their "advice" and then ignored it.
I don't beleive that a "step-parent" makes up for a lousy parent, it is a very different role. I have heard girl-friends (not codies, without kids of their own) go on about how they are as deeply committed to their partner's children as the children's mother is (erm, no - you're not), when actually it is an issue of "territory" regarding the partner, as once the relationship ends, they hardly give the kids a second thought. That is not to down-play the step-parent role, and I would hope that my kids could make their own loving relationships with any partners that exAH has in future, and would hope that any partner of his would follow our lead as far as supporting our parenting decisions go, however I have to admit the idea of another woman thinking in the way quoted below about MY kids, gets my back up - probably irrationally. Sorry L2L.
I have always tried to work WITH the mothers of those children, in order to ensure that EVERYONE is on the same page and acts in the best interest of the child.