Living the fast life
Hi, I didn't know the best place to post this but I chose here and I just wanted to ask a few questions. I know the first step to recovery is wanting to and to be honest I am not sure if I do but I do wanna know why I have these symptoms...
Ill give a little history of myself so whoever is kind enough to give me advice and answer my questions can better understand where I am coming from.
I am 21 years old, I graduated early at sixteen with a 4.0, I come from a well of family but anyways to be blunt I am very well educated for my age. I had everything gave to me all my life and at fourteen my life was turned upside down. I began with ecstasy at fourteen and by fifteen I was mixing ecstasy, cocaine, and marijuana. By sixteen I was smoking crack on top of it all. And like I said I graduated two years in advance and held a job while doing all this. I moved out at sixteen and got my own place with a drug dealer. By seventeen I was on the run to Miami for trafficking cocaine and marijuana. I lived a great life in Miami very young and partied everyday till I was nineteen. I became an alcoholic, I smoked marijuana to heroin on a daily basis while snorting cocaine, oxys, xanaxs, and eating LSD, and mushrooms. Sometimes I would mix all of these in the same day. By nineteen I was back home and faced my charges and they gave me a break. Till twenty I had four overdosed all of which I survived without hurting myself. In that year I lost one friend to prison, one died eating the same pills I did, and one was shot and killed in the same room I was were I was shot in the shoulder. Somehow I survived that to. I wonder every day why im still here... But anyway after I returned from the hospital I cleaned up and today I drink every other day I still snort a script of week of pain and nerve pills but to me I think im doing good compared to before.
My questions are.
1. I have no sex drive none whatsoever, why is this?
2. I have no emotions nothing phases me, nothing bothers me, not even my family dying or a friend and it scares me that I have no emotions...
3. I cant sleep I have not slept in years its so hard to fall asleep I cant remember sleeping one good night.
4. And lastly could I ever be the same?