Thank you to all. It helps more than you know to have others to talk to who have walked the same road. My friends and family are trying to be supportive, but unless you've loved an alcoholic, there's no way to explain to them how hard it is to separate the man you know and love from the man caught in the grips of disease. I find myself almost defending him when I tell them how I believe that the affair was more of a symptom of the disease than a revelation of his true moral character. As my counselor says, "the disease has escalated, and now he's upped the ante." And I hate that I'm defending him, when I know there's no defense for what he's done.
I saw my counselor again today, who agreed that it's best for us to remain separated and work on our own issues before attempting to fix our marriage. She said the same thing that some of you have, "this didn't get broken overnight, and it won't be fixed overnight" and she thinks that putting AH in a volatile emotional environment right now will be a detriment to his sobriety. AH actually told me on the phone today that he has a hard time talking to me because he needs to supress his emotions right now. I'm trying my best to keep my distance. I'm just really missing my best friend. It's so hard when he also happens to be my worst enemy right now. I don't want a divorce. I want my husband back, the way he used to be, and it's terrifying not knowing if that will ever happen.
Thank you for the information on the alanon chat on Saturday. I think that will be helpful. And I plan to attend a face to face meeting this Tuesday. Other than that, I'm trying to learn all I can about detachment, and will continue to pray for a miracle. In the meantime, I'm so glad to have found this forum and am so grateful to you all for caring.