He'll have no respect for anything you say..so trying to find the right thing to say really doesn't make a bit of difference.
His behavior is abusive with or without alcohol.
He makes everything about what he wants...you don't have to.
I am sure he will redouble his efforts as he senses your wish to be free of this insanity...but you deserve to live that quiet, peaceful, free life you want for yourself, you deserve that and I hope you will remember that when there is chaos.,,,
He creates chaos to keep you involved in his "list" instead of the overall picture..it deflects you from the clarity of your own mind and creates confusion.