When she drinks she gets paranoid, confrontational and verbally nasty. She also likes to accuse me of having an affair. These are just the behaviors that make me back down.
And that's why she will keep that "paranoid" behavior up - because she knows it will keep you off her back so she can keep drinking.
Nothing gets in the way of their drinking. Nothing. It took me a while to understand that - but the more I thought about it and applied it the more I could see that it is entirely true.
So if they need to rage and frighten people to get them to back off so they can keep drinking another day then they will rage and frighten people; if they need to keep their job so they have money to drink, they will keep their job; if they need to cry and look pitiful and admit that they have a problem, they will do that. Nothing gets in the way.
This is true of all our A loved ones:
When she's not drinking, she's the woman I know and love.
Just remember it is not a measure of their love that they cannot stop - it is just a measure of the powerful nature of addiction. Nor is it a measure of our love for them if we need to take steps to protect ourselves & innocent children - if love could cure addiction none of us would be here.
I learned some pretty whacked out stuff growing up in an A home - some bad dynamics and bad ideas about how people behave in relationships...took me many painful years to undo - and sadly 3 of my bros grew up to be alcoholics.... I wish someone in my childhood had the guts to put their foot down and say - hey this is not OK, there is something wrong in our family and it is called alcoholism, and it is not your fault!
Glad you're here - keep doing the next right thing for you and your kids - she will do what she will do and in the case of an an alcoholic, sadly, that means drink - and progress further into the addiction.
Peace-
B