Lots of good information, ZBear, thanks for sharing. I'm quite certain that I was not an adrenaline junkie. I craved serenity and a peaceful and quiet life. I hated the merry-go-round and my boyfriend's childish and self-centered behavior.
For all but the last two years of our 22-year relationship, we lived in separate houses, in separate cities, only seeing each other on weekends. And things went rather smoothly for all those years because he was able to hide the extent of his drinking when our interactions were limited to just weekends. The last two years of the relationship, I moved much farther away from him--way out in the country--and thought it would be easier to maintain the relationship--and cheaper for me--if he moved in with me.
Once he did, I recognized immediately that his drinking was much more than social drinking, as he couldn't hide the severity of his problem now that he was living with me 24/7. I also decided immediately that I could not live with his addiction/behavior and its affect on every aspect of my life. But I also had just moved into a new house and needed his income to pay the mortgage. So, I began to develop a plan to free myself from his alcoholism by paying down my debt so I could afford to continue to live in my house once I ended the relationship.
It took me two years to pay off my debt and as soon as that was done, I asked him to leave. The moment he was gone, I was back in my comfort zone. My comfort zone is peace, quiet, serenity, and stability--not chaos, insanity, and adrenaline rushes. I didn't miss living with an active addict one bit. And I certainly didn't seek out a replacement addict.
I hear what you're saying and agree with nearly everything you posted previously, but I don't think that every person who ends up with an active addict in their life is codependent, sick, an adrenaline junkie, and in need of fixing themselves.
That line of thinking says that I am inherently to blame for the situation that I found myself in, that I somehow created it, or was at least equal in the blame for the chaos he brought into my life. I am no longer willing to accept that line of thinking anymore. I was not the cause of my boyfriend's drinking, I was not the cause of the chaos it brought into my life, and I will not accept any blame for his actions.
For a brief period of my life, I found myself in a situation that was nightmarish. It hit me like a ton of bricks. I had never dealt with an addict before and I had no idea what I was getting into. I will not accept the blame for his actions, I was not looking for an addict when I met him, someone to blame all my problems on, or someone who would provide me with an adrenaline rush. I was looking for companionship and love. I just got much more than I asked for.
Is there something wrong with me for making a wrong choice? No, I simply made a poor decision--one that I have not repeated. I don't consider myself to be codependent and in need of fixing. What I did need was guidance on how to deal with the situation until I found a way to extricate myself from the nightmare, and I found that here amongst the friends and family of other addicts.
The adrenaline junkie theory, is a good theory, but it's just a theory. It's certainly not my reality nor an explanation for why I found myself dealing with an addict.