DesertEyes

why thank you, that's a wonderful compliment

yup, same here. I never learned that feeling emotions is a perfectly normal part of life. No different than feeling sunshine, or feeling sand under my toes. What happened to me is that as I became more familiar with my feelings they became less intense.... or maybe they never were intense to begin with, just so strange and unexpected that I experienced them as intense.

makes sense to me.

That is also an ACoA "brainwashing". As a child I never learned to see the passage of time or understand the consequences of people's actions. My life was one long continuous nightmare where my parents behavior _never_ changed. So I never learned the concept of _change_ as it happens in life.

Now I can see that _my_ life was not stuck in that childhood. I grew up. I got away from my parents and got my head cleared up. As a result of that harm that was done to me I grew up to be a much stronger, healthier person that any of the "normies" I've met.

Those children that I see being harmed today, are going to grow up too. And when they grow up there will be so many more sources of recovery for them, so many more books, meetings, programs and trained therapists. Today they are being harmed, but at the same time they are being given an opportunity to become something far superior to their parents.

Letting go and letting God does _not_ mean that you do _nothing_. It means that you let God do what is in God's power to do, and you only concern yourself with what is in _your_ power to do.

The reason I found recovery in the first place is _not_ because any adult intervened in my childhood. It's because adults showed me with their own lives that there were people who were healthy, kind and serene. Those are the people I fixated on as a child, the ones I would say to myself "I want to grow up to be like _them_". Those people never once raised a finger to protect me, but they did somethin _far_ more powerful.

They showed me that I could grow up to be the kind of person I could be proud of.

Today, that is what I do with my own life. I share my own experience, strength and hope in meetings, here on SR, and in my daily life. Over the years I have mentored a number of young people, some of them neighbors on my street, some the children of friends or coworkers, and now that I'm an old dude, young kids at work.

My fav example is a 12 yr old girl that lived down the street a _long_ time ago when I lived in L.A. Her family was seriously toxic, and she would spend all day on the streets on her bicycle. One day she got on my lawn and left tire ruts all over it. And again, and again. I could see the anger in her, the rebelliousness.

So I waited for her one day, and when she spun her bicycle over my lawn I jumped out from behind the bushes with my water hose and sprayed her. She cussed at me, and I threw a water pistol at her, dared her to soak me back.

We both ended up soaked.

Didn't stop the damage to my lawn, but I figured it was a small price to pay to "connect" with her. We developed a bit of friendship, and I got to connect with her two brothers and sister as well. And thru them made friends with the parents. As the years went by we'd have chats on the sidewalk. Talk about life, school, and all the things that are of interest to a child, then a pre-teen, then a teen.

Many years later she grew up into a stunning young woman. Very tall, thin, and strikingly beautiful. She married some loser, had a baby, moved away. Couple years later she divorced the loser, came back to live with her parents, and came knocking on my door. Somebody had offered her a modeling job.

I'm a photographer, my wife was an ex-model, so we hooked her up with some people we knew, gave her some advice, taught her some of the tricks of the trade. Ok, my ex-wife taught her the modeling tricks, I taught her some contract-negotiating tricks.

Couple years later her career is going like a rocket, and I actually ended up across the table from her representing one of my clients negotiating a contract. That 12 yr old kid grew up to be one _tough_ negotiator. She didn't need no agent, she'd taken law school classes and I have to admit, she worked me over like the pro she was.

Year after that she came knocking on my door. No longer a 12 year old with a rusty old bike and an attitude. There was aseriously expensive european sports car on the street, and this woman was fully grown. Tells me she's giving up her modeling career, she realizes her son is missing out on having a mother. She's going back to school. Going to college. Plans to eventually get her doctorate in the same field I got my degree in, a long time ago. She's selling the car, moving to a cheap little place next to the University.

She had taken some of my photography lessons, and handed me a framed photo she had taken. An _awesome_, deeply artistic image that I will always cherish. This kid grew up to be every bit as good a photographer as I, and as good a business manager. It's been some years, and by now I'm sure she's much better than I will ever be. She gave me a peck on the top of my head ( cuz i'm a short little guy and she's _way_ tall ) and tells me I'm the father she never had.

That one moment in my life, to me, is worth _all_ the childhood I had to suffer thru. I _never_ would have been able to reach out to her and the rest of her family had I not _been_ a child just like her and her siblings. And she never would have realized her son was missing out on a Mom if she never had the same experience.

_that_ is what is in your power to do for children, 1234. You can be an _example_ of what it means to overcome a toxic childhood. You can be the light on the hill that gives them hope, that inspires them to rescue themselves. Let God give them the strength and show them the way. You show them that it is possible.

Mike