TC999 - Breathtaking. Thanks for the calming perspective.
Mike, I don't know where to start. That was so encouraging and thoughtful. Plus you are one of the posters I always think about when I need hope that alcoholics can fully recover. More than recover.
You got it exactly right when you describe the difference between knowing emotionally and knowing intellectually. When I accept something emotionally, which sometimes happens long after an intellectual acceptance, I get a real emotional tidal wave. I'm learning to trust that I won't be consumed by it, but it's so terrifying. I, too, learned to ignore my feelings as a child. Now that I'm feeling it, it feels just like a Sci-fi monster is running me down!
Since they say you have to accept yourself before you can really accept the faults of others, maybe I shouldn't be surprised that my impatience with my own recovery extends to others.
It's just so hard for me when children are involved. Stirs up all kinds of childhood pain and mama lion feelings in me. So hard for me to let go and let God when there is a child who might be harmed the way I was harmed.
But I know all parents love their children. I'm sure I harm my own; I'm not perfect. I don't mean to hurt anyone's feelings with what I said. Especially when I read some of you share, so very bravely, that you just couldn't see the harm happening to your children in the dysfunctional past. That is serious courage, and inspiring. It's a real gift to others to share that.
Wanting, you are right that all of my examples are about codependents. It was easy to see the harm the alcoholics were doing, in my own situations, but now that I've been working hard on my awareness I can start to see the whole picture. Now I see the denial in spouses and in myself. Well, at least I'm starting to see!
I'm often in this superscared place where I wonder if I'm lying to myself about all sorts of things. It's pretty irrational. But like I said, I'm scared right now.
But less scared tonight. Thanks.