I'm the last person who will judge you or be harsh. I drank during all 3 of my pregnancies. Mostly I had scaled back and didn't drink too much, but I did. Thank God all three of my kids are seemingly unaffected by it (who really knows?). It is hard.
BUT the good news. . .you realize you have issues with alcohol. You could use this time to get yourself help. Your kids need you, not just to be sober during pregnancy, but through their lives.