Firstly Welcome to SR
I'm starting to understand that alcohol IS a problem and yes, if we fix the alcohol we fix a host of other issues
I would definitely say that alcohol is a problem, if its a problem for you, a problem in your marriage, then its a problem whether she agrees or not. IMO, you dont go searching out sober recovery websites or google alcoholism without feeling like your partners drinking has become a serious problem to you.
You cant fix it! You cant fix it! It doesnt matter how many times you say it, or how many ways you say it, it cant be done.
Alcoholism is a disease and a serious addiction and nothing you do, say, threaten, dangle, manipulate, beg, cry, etc, etc, etc will make her stop if she doesnt want to stop.
The disease of alcoholism is also very cunning, denial is one of the biggest, with the alcoholics telling themselves they dont have a problem at all. My own AH truly believes that alcoholism has been invented by the Americans to sell books. Go figure!
My AH of 22 years alcoholic dad died recently at the age of 65 from alcohol related diseases. My AH was frightened and stopped drinking, saw a doctor for a check up and was told he was a ticking time bomb and then he went to AA. 3 months later he was back drinking, as he said that he had now realised that his dad dying that way was never going to happen to him. He also said he was only going to drink at weekends, that didnt even last a day! Now its everyday. They tell themselves whatever it takes to keep drinking. They even blame you if it helps. My favourite one is the verbal abuse, which they do when they are drinking and then feel remoresful about it and because they are so ashamed with their own behaviour they get to drink some more, because they feel so bad. Alcoholism is selfish and baffling particular if you are sober!
All you can do, (which is quite a lot) is start thinking about you. Go to Al-anon meetings, get some Al-anon books from your local library, see a psychotherapist and not to discuss leaving, but to discuss all the issues you have surrounding your alcoholic. Just reading your posts, I can tell that living with your wife and her alcoholism has made you sick. You are obsessing about her, manipulating her to stop drinking, worrying about her and whats shes up to, and feeling resentful, disappointed, scared. Lots of reasons to get some therapy, so that you can become strong within yourself and make sound, safe, sensible choices for yourself and your future.
We have a few wives at Al-anon who have stayed with their alcoholics for many, many years even though their husbands are still drinking. They do so by detaching - in otherwords, they build lives for themselves away from their partners, they ignore their partners when they are being abusive, they dont fuss over them, they dont react to bad behaviours and they treat them with respect, which is a really tough call and its certainly not for everyone.
I know its a lot to take in at the start but the first step is admitting that you are powerless over alcohol and that YOUR life has become unmanageable. Once this sinks in, it does get easier as you start to make choices based on what you want not on what you want your alcoholic to do or be.
Keep reading, read the stickies at the top and keep posting, your life will get easier once you start to recover.