So he came home last night around 9 from the pub and conked out. This morning he woke planning to sober up--he was pretty much sober already, just hung over from the night before. He asked for a hug and I gave him one. He kept saying, "You're mad aren't you? You're mad at me." I said no, hugged him, suggested he call his drink counsellor, and then went about my business.
He was still like, "So we're okay to go on our trip? I'll just get a bit of work done this morning and we'll go." He had his usual breakfast, with extra coffee. I saw that he had begun packing a suitcase for the weekend. I know he had work to do with his community groups this morning--some leafleting, a newsletter, not sure what else.
I was thinking to myself, should I just say no, I don't wish to go on this trip? I knew he would be like, "But we've been looking forward to it! We've already paid for the theatre tonight, and for the hotel!"
So I was thinking what to say. That I didn't wish to go, that I needed some time to myself. That I would only go if he would promise to be sober the whole time? Or just say nothing? Bah.
While I was sorting this out to myself, I was also sorting out the recycling. I drove to the recycling center, and when I came back he was gone. His cell phone is still here, his suitcase. I spent the morning doing some errands and taking care of some business at home. He's been gone for three hours now, just about.
This is what he's done in the past: he starts drinking, tries to still muddle through things while drunk, sort of tries to sober up, then binges. Usually he finds a nominal excuse to binge--I expect in this case it's because I was being cool this morning and because I had the temerity to go to the recycling center. When he's left like this in the past, it's been to a cheap hotel in Leeds, where he'll lie there drinking and watching TV.
For all I know he's gone to the hotel we reserved in Scarborough. I kinda doubt it, it's a long way to go just to drink.
(Oh what a stupid waste. The trip was something we planned after he got sober in July--a nice treat for all our hard work this summer. I guess I'll call the hotel tonight and ask them to cancel the room, see if we can't get a refund.)
That's just such an image of the duelling inner forces, isn't it? The one voice in his head saying, "But no, I want to do my community work, I want to go on this nice trip we've planned," and then the other voice just saying, "Drink drink drink."
Anyway, that's me.
So in a bit I'll go down to the library to work. I could work at home but that's hard to do when you never know when Mr. Drunky will come stumbling through the door.