I would agree.... But they DIDN"T do the best they could. They decided to put themselves and their addictions over their children and thus passed on terrible traits and qualitys. Personally If I ever have kids I will NEVER abuse substances around them, put them in front of them, or sacrifice their safety and mental maturity for MY addictions. Forgiving is one concept, but to me this seems like a cop out. If they did the best they could I would not be 25 and dealing with the massive trust, intimacy, and spiritual issues that I tried to escape by stealing drugs from under her mattress when I was 12 years old. I would not have had to raise my brother, beg our neighbors for food, wear socks for gloves in the winter, or take cold showers in the winter, sit out youth sport sbecause she smoked when she was pregnant with me and I got terrible asthma (since grown out),
I want to let go of this burden, but I dont know if i can forgive her because she is a leech, a socio path, an addict, a self centered person that screams at me and guilt trips me when I call her out for her addictions, yet tries to play the "mom" roll when she wants me to buy her things. She is a joke, is not worth an ounce of my respect, and worth even less of my time. yet her actions (directly or indirectly) still haunt me to this day, are still causing chaos on my life, are still making it difficult for me to open up, be a normal person, and pursue the happiness that I deserve. I have taken accountability for my addictions (regardless of how they have started) so I AM DOING THE BEST I CAN, she did the WORST she could. I only speak for myself here, I am glad you folks can find solace in this, but I dont buy it for a second.
The only attempts she ever made to do anything is when she had enough money where she didn't have to worry about where she was getting her next fix from. But then once it ran out, I was yet again subject to another nervous breakdown, and sitting home alone for 2 days wondering where my mom is, calling my grandparents YET AGAIN to take care of me... but wait.... this time I had to go to the neighbors because the electricity and phone got shut off! but the dumb pos she bought that garbage from just got a new corvette that I can go take a ride in!
Nevermind the fact that people still look at me as that dumb piece of trash addict ladies son. Never mind the fact that I am still judged, looked down upon, and almost chastised because of HER actions. Never mind that she calls my friends for money, and of course never pays them back but promises them everything in the world. Nevermind that she dog sat for me and I came to her house to piles of crap and urine all over her house because she was too junked out (once again talking to herself and staring at the carpet) to take them outside. Did she even bother feeding them? when i got there they were in the pitch dark back hall.
There is a reason her rich parents aren't giving her a cent in her will. But wait???? she is their burden.... so now she is MY burden? (I already know my brother and I are getting everything) and I am going to be guilt tripped over hundreds of thousands of dollars? Bet that would take her less than a month to blow through.
I think you folks get the point. I just realize how much these issues effect me today when I was reading about co dependancy and how it alter your personality. This is all new to me, and frankly I am very upset right now. Hopefully it will pass in time, but she better stay out of my way for quite awhile. Sorry if I missed the point of this thread, but it is relevant to the posts i have been making in the wrong section.