ABKY, I totally agree with you. I am attending my first al-anon meeting tomorrow. I just can't let go of the anger either. My husband is in rehab now. They want me to come for a weekend (I have never left my children). In the same breath he says he is not supposed to be thinking of the family right now. He is focusing on his recovery. I should be understanding, yet I can't help but feel, "When is any of this going to become about me and the kids?" I just feel we will never rank first. There is so much history here. I'm still having a hard time convincing myself that staying is the right thing. Even with detachment and boundaries, it seems like an empty existence. I want a close relationship. Any ideas??