new here
Hi,
I began drinking when I was 13....by the time I was 17 it was a pretty full blown problem...almost daily black outs, shakes, hallucinations, the whole deal. I struggled on and off with trying to get sober. I then got pregnant at the age of 20....I stopped drinking, so I thought I was better.
For the next few years, I drank only occasionally, sometimes heavily, sometimes not, but never unless it was a night out with friends and my son was away for the weekend, so I still thought I was better.
I managed to get through school and get my nursing degree as a single mother. My occasional drinking had progressed to almost every weekend.
In February 2009 I was in an accident ( I was not driving) in which the the people in the other car were killed. A father and two children. I got out to help, ( I was fine, and so was my son ,thankfully). It was the husband and children of a woman I had grown up and gone to school in the same small town with.
In May 2009, my father passed away unexpectedly, after a two week stay in the CICU, 5 hours away from me. Trying to be with him, work, and look after my child was almost impossible. He ended up dying alone. To make my guilt worse, I am actually a hospice nurse, was at work that night. Sitting with someone else, because I believe in a person's right to not die alone.
My father was an alcoholic, and I began drinking more frequently after his death. With his drinking buddies, actually. I told myself I was paying "respect" to my dad. ( I am able to convince myself of anything if I want a drink.)
I had a falling out with my best of friend of 14 years, and my other two best friends moved across country for work. I lost most of my support system.
On Dec 30th, I woke up to the news that another friend of 15 years had passed away in a car accident. I began drinking that day as soon as the store opened, and that basically began a few month long binge.
I was back to drinking in the morning, drinking for 2-3 days at a time, passing out in the afternoon....I ended up losing my job.
So, here I am at 31, back to work ( but only part time so struggling financially) and sober again. This time however, I am working on Recovery. I am in therapy and attending groups. I have learned that "not drinking" is not enough....otherwise, as soon as life gets rough, I am not able to handle it. Major realization time, so hopefully this time it works.
Sorry for the long introduction post, I typed it out as much for me as an introduction...looking forward to having the support and conversation with other people from the board....I think it will help.