Anvilhead, you know I do always ask for your guidance. I value your wisdom so much, I really do. I could not legally change the locks, cannot until I am legally separated which would require him to sign the separation agreement. That is a legal fact, I already consulted a very experienced attorney, I have been in the legal field for over 20 years. When AH first relapse, I called the police, told him he was on probation, and said he was gone from the house and if he came back and I called, would they come arrest him. They said they couldn't violate him on probation, only his po can do that and that he has a legal right to be at my house, even while intoxciated as my order does not have that in it (they looked it up for me). So that is why we never changed the locks on the shed. AH would have just started banging on the door and the police in my town would have said I had to let him in, which would have made the situation worse.
I let him in cause I guess I just felt like he was going to keep coming here, I was trying to detach with love and let him get his statements and then move on. I should have known better. And we were already outside when the altercation happened, I removed myself from the situation to go across the street to the neighbors house. I thought Kevin would just leave with his papers but he continually created the chaos and when he came to the neighbors house and did what he did, that is when my neighbor called the police. I am by no means minimizing the situation, saying it wasn't that bad. It is something that I never wanted to live thru again, but unfortunately, I did chose to take him back after jail,believing him, and yes, I have to bear the consequences of that choice, which is this. The only thing I am upset about is that I want things to happen at his hands, not mine. I don't want to be the one to be blamed. Guess it stems from my upbringing in an alcoholic home, my father was the alcoholic and my mother never drank. My father never blamed me for anything, was a great father, loving, understanding ... my mother was mean, very mean, and totally not understanding at all. And if anything went wrong, it was "theresa's" fault. I have two sisters, one younger and one older. My mother would refer to them as "My M" and "My K" but I was always "THAT Theresa". Once my father died, my mother became a major alkie, so maybe, because when we were growing up she never drank an alcoholic drink in her life, she was a dry drunk, who knows. But I was always blamed for something ... Not making excuses, but that is my only issue here is for someone to set it to me straight, get it thru my head once and for all, that I am not to blame ...
I am going to go to court, stand up for myself, but to see him "glaring" at me, as if I put him there ... it's just hard. But I still say it's not my "comfort" zone.
But Anvil, please, keep responding, cause it does give me things to think about and dig deep about, and I so very much appreciate your straight talk.