Dear Caeceemaye:
I like your lists and the boundaries you outline, but I agree strongly that they function best as internal boundaries for yourself, a way of thinking to yourself, "What's my line in the sand?"
You know how some governments make it a policy never to negotiate with terrorists? Don't negotiate over your right to feel safe in your own home. It's not your job to convince, cajole, or argue in order to live safely and normally.
If he, say, got in an argument on a subway and threatened to kill some woman and her kids, he would be in jail now.
People can't think clearly when they're in imminent danger. All the stress hormones mess you up. I would strongly recommend that you find a way of getting a little break for yourself as I outline above, so that you can figure out what to do next.
Take care,
akrasia