Hey pw,
I was in the same predicament a few years ago, the fear and shame were not enough to get out of that horrible loop. Actually fear and shame made be grab a hold of that wine again and again. It took something bigger than me to dig me out of that hole, I found that in SR and my HP. That is what helped me move "over" myself and into better things.
I hope this was your bottom, so you can find it in you to move too.