Originally Posted by
ananda 
bp44...well i guess i just differ on this....a big reason for me to appologize is that it meant everything in the world to me that my father appologized to me. yes it was backed up with change...but i can't tell you how many bullsh*t amends i have had made to me...and they are very formated..about the person being able to say they made the amend...I prefer a heart felt appology any day of the week. Today my understanding is that I CANT make it right...I would if I could...but I can't...acceptance of that seems to me to be a part of step 8/9.....once again understanding that I'm not god....
Thats not for us to decide though. I was instructed to make amends by discussing what I had done to harm the person, ask them if I overlooked anything, and then deferring to them as to whether or not there was anything I could do to make the situation right. By doing this I appeal to that fundamental idea of god that is in each and every one of us. Sometimes the person I had harmed has some specific instructions (pay me this money back, don't ever talk to me again, etc) other times THEY decide there is nothing to be done and that is fine too. The point is that I am not inserting my will by deciding how and when to make things right, all I do is supply the willingness to do as god (via them) directs me to do.