PW, I buried my mother after she died from alcholism - her liver and kindeys shut down, she went into a coma, and we had to make the decision to remove her from life support. I had first gone to an AA meeting 15 years prior while in college and knew I didn't drink normally, but couldn't accept that I was an alcoholic and couldn't drink at all. It took me another ten years after my Mom died of the pain, lonliness and loss of active alcoholism before I ran out of alternatives and voluntarily sought treatment. In all, over a quarter century of my adult life knowing I had a problem but refusing to address it. That's the thing about alcoholism: it's a lesson you will face repeatedly in increasingly stark ways until you either stop drinking or die trying to avoid the truth. The surprising thing is, I cannot believe the ways and extent that my life has improved in the nine months since I gave up trying to outrun my own shadow.
You CAN do this - millions have done it before. All you need is the willingness to go to any length to get it. The irony is, when you become that willing, the lengths required are not all that great.
I wish you all the best - this could be the best thing that ever happened to you. The choice is yours.
Eddie