Originally Posted by
redstuff 
My sobriety is not completely dependant on others, but it has a lot to do with it. If others didn't have such a problem with it or I wasn't involved with them in any way and it didn't matter what they thought I would likely still be doing it. However, it seems others try to discourage me from doing it and when I get all that out of the way when they are annoyed with me continuing to talk about it and they give in and say they can't control what I do, I ultimately feel too guilty myself to go get it and start drinking and usually by that time the stores are already closed and I've made it through the day.
I feel my life would be the best if I could have my cake and eat it too. You know, be able to drink when I want to and not drink when I shouldn't. For the past 1.3 yrs I've been able to not drink. There have been difficult times, but I've made it. My goal was to make it a year and I have. My method of recovery is really simple. Just don't no matter what. It works as long as you just don't. I haven't given in yet, and I often wonder so what if I did. Just on vacations or special occasions.
I've been able to not do it so far and I can likely continue not to do it but it makes me miserable because I want to see if I can and then be able to stop again; cause if I could, I would be doing what I want to be able to do.
Ive seen this before...my friend in AA was like this too...basically he got driven to rehab by his GF, as soon as they pulled up to the gate he did a runner and came back 6 hours caked in mud as the rehab centre is in the countryside, i.e. nowhere to run to! This was the start...
His parents paid for rehab, after which he owed them about 40k including the money for the flat they rented him after rehab etc...
His GF, parents, friends etc are all telling him how well he is doing...then about 18 months later we had a chat...and he has worked 2 step 4&5's before once at rehab, once with a "sponsor"...
He made a comment when we were having lunch, said laughing "yeah if i didn't have so many people to answer to i'd still be drinking" then he tried to go onto next topic lol I said whooooooaaaaaa, alarms bells are ringing!!!
Anyways put him over to my sponsor after much convincing and hes worked the steps properly and hes changed, its always amazing to see how when a person works the steps with a decent sponsor they get that drastic personality change (spiritual awakening), most times in spite of themselves...always loved that guy, my friend, i think its cos hes 28 and hes just plain good looking and ripped as hell but has the lowest self worth ive ever seen...but thats changing and will continue to do so now...hes in a 6 year relationship which may just have achance of working out now too:-)
So his comment and yours is that one day at a time and dont drink whatever isn't enough is it? Definitely wouldn't have worked for me!
OK enough waffling my point is change or go back to the living hell which you came from...like my friend would have...choose your route to change, e.g. 12 steps of AA or...doesn't sound like you are willing to live with self imposed curfews or stop going on holidays etc so IMO you don't have enough self imposed restrictions to keep just abstinant for the rest of your life...
In answer to your original post, if you haven't really changed inside then why the hell would you not want to drink on holiday...in fact why would you even want to go on holiday without drinking?!
Good luck:-)
ps my friend was due to go abroad by himself and he said the same thing in our initial chat, who would know and what would it matter it's only a week...problem is that week might turn into a decade, if we could control it we would never have crossed the line and wouldn't be even questioning our drinking!