I hope I am not too late to say this, redstuff. Let me spell it out for you:
-You think alcohol is the only answer to your misery.
-You are probably planning on drinking alone since you don't want others to get upset about your drinking.
Does this sound okay to you? Whether you could have just a few drinks or not doesn't matter at this point. It is a problem that you are looking to alcohol as the only solution. The answer to this problem isn't 'Drink alcohol.' You need to explore ways you can be happy without alcohol.
So what if you drink alcohol and it acts like a quick fix to bad feelings (it almost certainly won't, let's be honest. Guilt and embarrassment will quickly follow). What do you do when those bad feelings come back? Just drink again? That's called alcoholism.
Please just look for something to take your mind off alcohol. Once you find it, you will see how worthless a solution alcohol is by comparison.