Originally Posted by
ananda 
we talked for a half hour. I didn't appologieze...i didn't make an "amend"
but i feel freer from that pain of 25 years ago than i ever have...and he has a good life...married my ex-sponsor LOL
I've never understood the step 8 and 9.....but i know what happened yesterday was a healing.
That's what's supposed to happen. Maybe you didn't apologize because you just aren't sorry yet (NOT accusing.....not accusing.....just throwing it out there to consider) but maybe you didn't say sorry because it's not time yet. Maybe that's one of those amends that needs to come a little later when you've got some real experience doing them.
I made amends with my ex-wife somewhat early in my recovery..... I've since gone back and done it again. Turns out, I didn't finish the job and needed a second round, ya know?
And if it makes u feel any better, it wasn't until my.....oh God, I dunno......3rd......5th....20th inventory 2yrs+ in that I was able to feel my first bit of relief from doing 4 & 5.
That relief though...it didn't last until I started making amends.... and those amends didn't "work" until I started saying: Here's all the stuff I think I did: bla bla bla. What else did I do that I've missed? (tough words to say.....lemme tell ya) and ending with: "What can I do to make it right with you?"
Ya know..... I've also found I've had a lot of 8th step reservations and those suckers delayed a TON of happiness in my life. My problem was with that pesky last word: ALL. Really......ALL of them???? heh, yep.....all of them.