jd585

I am not an easy person to live with as I have to be disciplined in my profession and that carries over somewhat to my personal life. I am at a loss as to what to do. I am here asking IF this is the start of Alcoholism? OR have I been too blind to see it? Or is there bigger problems I need to consider?

I have been married to the same woman for many years. I love her dearly. We have two adult girls. At times during our life she has worked with me in businesses we owned and at times she has been a home maker. She has never been very good at cleaning and the house always seemed to exhibit that. Since I need a clear head for my profession I drink alcohol only when I'm on vacation and never allow myself to get intoxicated, The last vacation was in 2002. We always travel out of the country on vacation so we save up for them

When our youngest daughter was about 12 she had learned to manipulate her mother into doing what she wanted or buying her what ever she wanted, even if I said we should not. Over the course of a few years my wife had acquired several credit cards in her name without telling me and maxed them out. My wife received phone calls which she took privately away from where I was at. One day while she was out I received a call from a CC issuer and since I am the husband they told me how bad the situation was. I took our savings and paid off the cards. This pattern was repeated several times until it had cost us about $50,000.00.

I thought that this money flowing through my wife's hands was because of our youngest daughter, but our daughter has been gone from home for a few years and the money I put into my wife's checking vanishes without anything showing for it.

During this time (youngest daughter manipulating her mother ) my wife got into the habit of lying to me. I confronted my wife several times, but she says "she has no reasons for lying", but she still does it even more so now.

I do not watch TV, but I have a hobby that keeps me at the computer from 6PM until about 9PM every nite, My wife plays the lottery and seems to want to "go get lottery tickets" every evening about 7PM. There is a convenience store less than 5 minutes from our home, but it takes her about 30 to 60 minutes to get her ticket. I have considered following her but I have not yet done that.

My wife recently switched from beer, to wine and hard liquor as her drink of choice. I asked her several times "Why she needs to drink?" and her reply is that "It relaxes her!"...I ask what she needs to relax from since she does not work outside the home, does some laundry, some cooking, shops for groceries, and does very little cleaning.. Other than those things her days consist of; she sleeps in, has naps during the day, makes herself lunch, and watches TV....but she does not have an answer to what she needs to relax from.

Our oldest daughter lives with us and she has found her mother drinking in the kitchen, frequently while cooking. Our oldest daughter mentioned it to both of us and is concerned that my wife is drinking too much. My wife asked me to have a drink with her at the last New Years Eve, which I did...Since then she wants me to drink with her, but I won't. She has been buying a wine that requires chilling and has brought a bottle to the bedroom on a regular basis and consumes it. She drank a bottle and a half one nite, left the balance on her nite stand. It got warm and the next day before lunch she was drinking it from the bottle.

I have never paid attention to when we have our disagreements, until our oldest daughter pointed out the drinking and now I am aware that we argue most when my wife is drinking. She will start an argument and then gets verbally abusive and loud enough so the neighbors hear. The morning after my wife is the most loving person you know, but she needs to sleep in until about 10 am.

Recently my wife wanted to go visit with her family which she has not seen in years. The visit was for 2 weeks and she was to stay with a niece (6 months younger than wife) and her brother. I was concerned because this niece was a heavy drinker. We made an agreement that she would not drink while staying with the niece. The first nite she had drinks with them, the second nite she was drunk when I called and I pointed that out that she was drunk. She stayed there 8 days and we did not talk much after the second day. She stayed the balance with her brother but we still did not talk much while she was away..

We discuss things and decide on a course of action, my wife makes agreements with me and then does what she wants. Of course she always states "that is not what she agreed to"

There is a restaurant that we like their food and my wife wants to go by herself to pick up the food. She goes there and has "a drink sometimes" while waiting for the order. She has related that she has met another man there and they "are friends", and he sometimes buys her a drink.