As a recovering addict, I really don't understand why any parent would let adult children stay with them in early recovery. Actually, let me reword that, I do understand, because I have adult children, and I put up with more than I should from them both at my home, though they are not addicts (so far, thank God).
But it isn't the best option, by far. What is common in my area, for those who are serious about their early recovery when they get out of inpatient rehab, is to move into one of the many private group recovery homes they can learn about at meetings or in their inpatient facility.
Typically, if they've been unemployed, as is common when you get out of inpatient rehab, they are asked to get and keep a little early recovery job, something like car-wash attendant, shop sales person, or temp work. Then they pay about a hundred dollars a week to stay at the recovery house. They usually are expected to cooperate and pitch in on food shopping and cleaning with the other residents. Typically, they aren't allowed to have a significant other stay the night or often visit there. In all the homes I know about, the residents are required to go to meetings most, if not every day and they usually go there together. They are subjected to random urine checks. Drinking is considered using and is not allowed at all.
This is exactly the type of structure we need in the beginning and for maybe for the first year or two. This isn't punishment for us, it is support. And we can stay clean this way much more easily then at home, where Mom's loving eyes aren't focused on looking for relapse behavior.
You all do your recovering adult children no good at all by giving them a soft landing pad of your house when what they need is the harder, supportive, recovery house. Think of your child as having a disease that compromises her immune system and your house as being full of infectious contaminants. Let them stay in the hospital of a recovery house while they are so sick in early recovery, and they stand a much better chance of survival. Truly, this is life or death in this disease for us. Not to mention you will likely feel much more sane with some healthy space there.
Love,
KJ