Trying to give a damn.
So where do I begin? Well for starters, this is my first post here. I stumbled upon this site (pun intended) a few years back searching for stories I could relate to (which I found) and also for some inspiration to get my life together. A little history on my substance abuse: I started drinking when I was 18 years old, started smoking weed when I was 19, pills became a big part of my life once I reached the age of 21. This is also the age I discovered heroin which I eventually became addicted to but not until 3 years later but that's not important...Heroin is a loud word and yes it affected my life in a negative way but no more than alcohol or the pills. I know I can use any substance to destroy my life, Im an addict, doesnt matter what I touch, it always ends up consuming me sooner or later. I feel that this attempt to get sober/clean is the most sincere attempt Ive ever made. Im trying to let go of my nhilistic thought patterns and unrealistic expectations. Im somewhat of a perfectionist which I believe is a huge contributor to my use as well. The main motivation factor for me this time is happiness. Also I am a deeply sensitive person and when i cannot express myself creativity through music I get severly depressed. Writersblock is rock bottom for this 25 year old. I just cant deal with the anxiety/depression that cripples me when I dont take care of myself anymore. Ive had numerous near death experience which never really phased or scared me until now. When i was 20 I overdosed on methadone/xanax/alcohol and ended up aspirating and barely survived. Just this year I have overdosed once on heroin, once from a combination of xanax/fentayl and just recently from oxycodone/xanax...I now have a little over a month away from opiates and benzodiazepines and two weeks away from alcohol. So basically I have just over two weeks clean. I eventually want to go back to NA meetings, and I know the sooner the better. Anyway thanks for letting me get this off my head, I look forward to using the hope I find here as a building block to getting my life back on track.