We detoxed our son in July (he refused to go to a detox center). He promptly went out and used again and disappeared for a month. He came back, said all of the things we wanted to hear and we began to detox him again. Same story as above, he promptly (within two days) began to walk all over our boundaries. He threatened to leave and we said "ok".....he left. He disappeared for another month. He called a few days ago (on my birthday--not to wish me a happy birthday though). He called to spew that our "throwing him out" has caused his addiction to get worse and he threatened suicide once again. It tore me up pretty bad and knocked me waaaay off center once again.
My boundary is quite solid at this point. We are not a detox center, we are not a rehab, we aren't qualified to help him. As Ann pointed out, we are not his only option.....we are just an option.....and certainly not the best option for him or us.
He cannot come back. It is not good for him and it is not good for us. If he wants to get clean and sober, he must use the professional resources available to him and we will support (as in moral support) and love him.
You have to make your own choice regarding your AD but our experiences have not been positive.
gentle hugs