DayTrader

Ah yes..... I remember those days so clearly.. ugh. I'll promise you, if you stay the course, continue to be willing to grow and to open yourself especially to the spiritual growth, that stuff will go away. It may not go away 100%, it may come back once and a while, but it'll not have the same force that it does now.

I'll give you some advice that has held me in good stead to this day: start keeping a journal. I haaaaated the idea at first but thank God I started. It was a good way to just mentally unload. It made me organize my thoughts, which slowed them down considerably, and.......as I'd write.... the "1000+ things" I thought I had in my head were really just 8.....or 12.....and I'd replay them over and over and over and over. Writing them down kinda stops that "spin." It puts things in perspective....big time.



Understand, that's normal for an alcoholic. I used sometimes like to think of my alcoholism as another person - sorta like my arch villain. I used to write alllllll the way "he" would try to make me feel uncomfortable to try to get me back to the bottle.

Also bear in mind..... recovered or not, we all still have ups and downs. Those steps are a new set of tools for you that you get to use ON life. I can't think of ONE problem I've had to deal with in sobriety that 1, 2 or more steps weren't PERFECT for. One good thing for you to focus on now is what the tools do and how to use them. Get yourself a 12&12 book or look up the online version....that's a good place to start. (of course.....if you haven't......DIG INTO THE FIRST 164 pages of the BB and get them read for your first time). Maybe go look for a "new" meeting and just go there to check it out....maybe you'll run into some new ppl talking some new stuff that you really like. Do some exploring in sobriety.... it's a HUUUGE world....massively huge.......and it's awesome - but it won't come to you. You have to go find it yourself.