Originally Posted by theuncertainty

I'm still struggling. I'm still afraid of him. I feel like I'm still letting him walk all over me and what's worse is this time I didn't fight as much as I think I should have for our son.

Updated background: We had a court hearing several weeks ago for interim custody. Until the final divorce hearing, the court awarded me sole legal custody (interim) and mandated that DS's visits with his father, STBXAH, be supervised by my SIL or FIL (I suggested supervisors). Since the supervisors are family, visits are still every other weekend Sat AM to Sunday PM; the judge made a point of telling STBX that that was incredibly generous and supervised visits are usually only a couple hours. The only contact between me and STBX is to be by e-mail and only about DS. My lawyer suggested trying to discuss weekend arrangements with SIL rather than STBX. This weekend is his 2nd supervised weekend.

I got a call from DS's school Friday afternoon, to let me know son was complaining of a headache and didn't eat his lunch, so I left work and picked him up and took him home. He was running a 100.7 temperature and didn't complain about laying down.

I sent an e-mail to my SIL, FIL and STBXAH to tell them that DS is sick (and forward specific info that he's home from school with temperature), but didn't cancel the weekend or offer a switch. STBXAH e-mailed back that he hopes son feels better and to let him know if he does and then he'll pick him up - does not copy any one else. Fast forward a couple hours, he e-mails back, still not copying his sister or father, and orders me to have son ready at 9 am, he will pick him up and he has 'everything' he may need.

Today, DS is still running a temperature, but ate breakfast and wanted to hold the cats.

At pick up today, I try to tell him that son still has a temperature of 100.1 and was given tylenol at 8 am; STBX interrupts and tells me that he has everything then asks 'what, at 8?' I confirm tylenol at 8 and he interrupts again that he has 'everything'. I then ask where FIL is. "He's in the car. You don't need to see him." When I tried to say yes, I do and my lawyer said I can ask to see SIL or FIL at pick up, he said "He's in the car. He's 80 years old. He's not getting out. If you want to see him, you go out." My father (who was there to help with DS's pick up) said he'd go out and say hi. (Yes, FIL was in the car.) I then make the mistake of trying to tell STBX that the clothes I'm returning to him from their last weekend are too small and he interrupts and says that's fine, he's bought him new everything.

So, I'm beating myself up for not just telling STBX that DS is too sick to go and that we can switch weekends. For letting him order me around and interrupt me and for getting mad about how he was talking to me in front of our son. He had planned to go camping (in an RV) and fishing with DS and FIL this weekend and I'm certain they'll go any way and that I can be found negligent for letting DS go with them knowing he had a temperature, even if I told STBX, and that it'll be construed as I thought it was a good idea because I gave them DS's lifejacket just in case they do go fishing. I'm beating myself up for even trying to relay information about the clothes being too small and that just because I'd want to know, doesn't mean STBX wants to be told.... and I should have done it by e-mail or not at all... I'm now afraid that allowing FIL as supervisor may not be the wisest choice.....

I don't know. I know I'm awfulizing. I'm trying to have and send out good thoughts. I really need a hug.