First of all, thank you so much to those who have replied to my post. This is a secret I've been keeping for years, and I've told none of my friends or family what I've been dealing with (even though I'm sure they can guess on their own). It feels great to have some sort of outlet and to know I'm not alone in this. I have tried Al-Anon last year, but stopped going because I thought AH was "better." I know now that I have to get myself better too, no matter what AH chooses to do.
As far as the military issue goes, I've been struggling with this part especially. I know detaching means letting the alcoholic make his own mistakes and clean up his own messes, but in this case, the choices AH makes are going to seriously affect the lives of myself and my children. If AH gets a dishonorable discharge due to his drinking, not only will we have the substantial loss of income to deal with, but the loss of our housing, the pension and our medical insurance. So detaching from the situation is especially hard knowing how much is at stake. He won't get another second chance...
Thank you for the advice on seeking out a chaplain. I've been afraid to contact anyone in the military for fear of it harming his career, not to mention the "detachment" issue. I've thought about reaching out to the VA or one of his friends in his unit who helped smooth things over the last time, but the chaplain seems like the best way to go. Can I ask if any concerns I may bring up to him will remain confidential?
Again, I appreciate everyone's words of encouragement more than I can say.