I was in Al-Anon for a LONG time before my own drinking became alcoholic. During that time I went to a lot of AA meetings, had hung out with innumerable people in the program, including sponsors and sponsees, and even though it was hard for me to admit that *I* needed AA because I, too, had become an alcoholic, it did ultimately lower my resistance to going for myself. I also found that the more I knew about alcoholism, the easier it was for me to accept that what the alcoholics in my life did--their choices and behavior--had relatively little to do with me. The best I could hope to do was to not become part of the problem. I could get out of the way and let them work their program without micromanaging their recovery.
Although it's clear to me that other people in the alcoholic's life didn't cause it, can't control it, and can't cure it, it is also clear to me that the other people in the alcoholic's life can be of great help by refusing to make it easy for the alcoholic to continue to drink without consequences, by taking care of themselves regardless what choices the alcoholic makes, and, in recovery, by being encouraging and supportive.
Although I had to leave my second husband due to his return to drinking after almost dying from it, I was able to do it with relatively little bitterness toward him (though I was pretty ticked off at the disease!).
Understanding on both "sides" of the problem helps a lot.
Thanks for your post.