steve, please know your emotions are all normal. its part of our recovery, however painful it is, that is what family/friends go through when we let go.
we get overwhelmed, we get angry, the addiction consumes us. but in time, yes it can be slow, you will be able to better deal with this and get a grasp on addiction and accept that you cant change it.what you need right now is coping skills. I couldnt believe some of the things my husband did and said and everyone on this forum can say that there are things their addict has done so painful to us,what happened to them? My husband also talked to me about having a good life again, being together,getting help, moving forward, having dreams but continues to take his drug.what did I do, I consumed myself with trying to figure out how to stop this addiction, stop his behaviors, then finally realizing Im fighting a drug. it took me a long time to see and come to terms with the fact that my husband behaviors were from a drug,(and so were my behaviors) I kept saying over and over again this isnt him, this cant be happening he will snap out of it.I took things personally, I was crushed, embarrassed, sad, disgusted, cant imagine a bright future for myself, then I saw I was hitting bottom and thats what you are doing, hitting rock bottom..try to keep busy, try your hardest even if its something small each day. keep reading on here, keep praying, maybe talk to a therapist or friend..but do something for YOU , every time you get these thoughts, try to do something to keep your mind off of her..time will heal your wounds