Look over your last two posts. IMHO, your last two posts reveal how contact with an active alcoholic leads the other partner into a downward spiral.
You seemed confident and determined here:
Originally Posted by
Jaguar55 
I definitely don't want to coddle him, but I have done things inadvertently that have enabled him. No more. I suppose just staying in his life and loving him is enabling him. He's been able to rely on me for seven years. He takes it for granted that I will love him and that as long as he wants me he can have me.
And after contact last night you seem affected:
Originally Posted by
Jaguar55 well I talked to him on the phone very briefly tonight. He sounded good, like he was sort of happy. That really freaks me out when he gets like, "oh, I've gotten rid of her and she was the source of my unhappiness". And he acts like now I'm not around he's finally at peace. I guess in a way that's the truth because if I'm not around he doesn't have to feel pressured to give anything or do anything except what he wants to do for himself. He can just kick back and drink, smoke some weed, play video games until he gets tired and passes out. Get up the next day, go to work, come home, repeat....
I hate alcoholism. I really really hate it. It took him away. And he let it, didn't he? He left me. And he even erased all the things about me that are me and replaced them in his head with some bitch that he can hate even though that's not who I am at all.
Going "No Contact" is not something I did to affect or change the alcoholic. Going "no contact" was something I did for myself. I needed time and space to focus on my feelings, needs and life.
It is very difficult to maintain "no contact". It hurts. It put me out of my comfort zone. I was accustomed to sharing my day with my partner of 14 years.
I had to take it one day at a time. I gave myself a goal: I will not pick up the phone for 24 hours. Then I extended my goal. Some days I made it by taking things one moment at a time.