Bless you all for being here. I'm doing better but still having waves of anxiety.
Ever hear the song Slip Sliding Away by Simon and Garfunkel? I keep hearing the lyrics in my head...
"God only knows. God makes his plan."
"The information is unavailable to the mortal man."
I find it soothes my nerves a bit. Reminds me I'm not supposed to have any of the big answers. Been trying to let go of the process as much as possible and not force it.
I will say I am making some very real lifestyle choices that I kind of avoided before. I want to settle down somewhere and quit this gyspy traveling. But where? I would love a quiet little place without any drama, but just how quiet do I want to be?
A property that I had once fantasized over that was for sale has now been put up for rent in my price range. Plus it's got a rent-to-own option, which with all the financial difficulty I have had in the wake of my split with XABF, would be a real chance at putting down roots. The catch is, it's out there on the edge of a penninsula to a river with few neighbors where it would just be me and the pets and horses. Much of the year, the nearest soul would be acres away.
While a part of me would love the serenity and tranquility, the rest of me would much rather be in a modern condo in town with my horses just down the road where the hassle of maintaining a farm is someone else's problem. That's where I was in life when XABF rolled into my sights the secluded farm life was more his dream. I like having people to ride horses with on the weekends, neighbors to watch come and go, and not having to drive a 1/2 hour just to buy a roll of toilet paper.
These days I have too many pets for the condos around here and one too many horses to afford board so I've got some irons in the fire to get reduced rent for horse care on a farm where I can keep my horses. Those places aren't a dime a dozen, though, so I'm doing a lot of networking and I'm hoping for good results.
I have not seen the landlord and his henchmen at all. Been working and keeping to myself. I've noticed the landlord has been hightailing out of here when I come in from my errands. Not sure if he's finally finding ways to occupy his time or if he's going to argue I've run him off. Would it matter either way...No. Doesn't change anything for me but give me some peace in which to do laundry.
Thank you again for checking in on me. I'm hanging in there.
Coyote, thanks for the post about remember it's all in how we think that really changes. The world around us goes merrily on whether we have a bad attitude or not. I'm trying to stay in the positive.
Alice