How I got HERE...
I was completing a vocabulary activity with my class today and the word I was working on with them was realistic. Then it hit me as I was thinking about the word...odd time I knw. I certainly was NOT realistic about who my AH was before I married. Truth be told, my AH is today who he was before we got married. When I married him, I married what my version of who a youth minister should be - not who he actually was. I married him - thru my own codependency because of who I thought he should be not as he is. Strange as I think about it, because who hhe is didn't really change....I just always founnd an excuse in my mind for his behavior...afterall he is a youth minister....he certainly couldn't actually be behaving that way. Bizarre....that I could look at something in such an surreal way...and somehow believe what I knew about him wasn't true and that really underneath was that youth minster great guy. I am kind of shocked and embarassed to admit this....but today I REALIZED how true it is! This is something I now really am thinking about WHY did I do this?? I knew better, but I did it anyway???