How many of you decided to stop drinking and so far have not relapsed?
I did all my relapsing before I came to AA, and the choice between it and death was still a toss-up. In the early years of AA, the choice was pretty clear and humility at depth--the certainty of bottom--was very clear. I think that some folks come in for everyone else but themselves, everyday taunting themselves that they'll be able to drink like a normal person one day. "The idea that we could one day drink like normal people has to be smashed."
The "hard core" people in my group say, "If you're not convinced, there's the door." I don't have to convince anyone, because alcohol is the greatest advocate for sobriety.
still can't wrap my head around the notion that I have had my last glass of wine
Call your sponsor, get to a meeting, and tell on yourself. You'll get plenty of perspective. I may have overlooked you in the pages, but you're in the danger zone--rationalizing is NEVER a good idea for an alcoholic, and IF you are one, you're going to think yourself into another drink.
So why do I feel like "testing" myself
Only one reason I can think of: You're alcoholic and suffering is still an option for you? Get to a meeting.
Rigorous Honesty: Powerlessness. #1 is the only step that requires 100%, 100% of the time.