Hi...New here
My husband is a recovering alcoholic, sober since last January. We have been married 25 yrs., have two boys ages 19 and 16. Alcohol was an increasing issue for several yrs...we even got to a pt. where we were in marriage counseling this time last yr. He went to his first AA meeting relunctantly, only at the insistence of myself and our counselor, he did not feel he had a problem. Once there, he immediately was "hooked" and has been sober ever since. He is the type that when he does something, he does it 150%...he puts his all into it, including AA. I am grateful for the progress he has made and proud of the changes he his made in his life......however, I am struggling with the time and close bonds he has with this group, and for this I feel guilty.
In the beginning they say to do the 90/90, which I honestly was not aware of but was patient and supportive as I knew he needed this time for himself to heel. But, what I also see happening is that when you spend so much time with a group of people, sharing on such an emotional level, close bonds are formed....in some ways pulling him further away from me/family. He now goes to 3-4 meetings a wk., plus plays softball one night with a group of men from AA. He was also playing softball a 2nd night, but just ended that league. It seems he is gone almost every night. I have discussed my thoughts about this with him, and he said he would try and be more aware of this. I attended several Al-a-Non meetings and expressed my struggles with him spending so much time with AA, and feeling guilty for this...although they were supportive, not any real advice and was told this was a common complaint with spouses.
I went to my first open AA meeting last Thurs. night, it was Speaker night. My hubby thought I would benefit from seeing first hand what the meetings were like. It was interesting, but made me feel like a stranger looking in. It is like a club/fraterity of which I am not a part of and cannot relate to, and this has very much become a part of his life. It was interesting that one of the men who my hubby has gotten to know came up and introduced himself and laughingly said "I probably spend more time with your husband than you do". Eventhough he has not been there a yr. yet, it seems that they are grooming him for leadershhip. He is now in charge of the AA cell phone, which he said newcomers can all this number if they are having a hard/difficult time and need to speak to someone. Some of the people in his group have been sober for 20 yrs....yet they still attend meetings all wk....so is this now a new life-long thing in our life?
Just curious how others feel or if you deal with this. Like I said, there is also guilt on my part for feeling this way, but I do feel jealous of the time/bond with this new "family."