Welcome to the forums, anonyme! It sounds like an overwhelming situation for you. I encourage you to seek help from your community - all the readings and forums are wonderful, but there's nothing quite like a real human looking at you and saying "I've been there and been through it; you'll see it through too."
Being aware of your enabling is a healthy start - I found that from there, it was easier to define what my boundaries were. Then I had to ask for help about how to express them!
I learned to say 'I will take the children and leave the party if you drink at all.' and then do it. The repercussions were at least all mine - I was responsible for them, not forced into circumstances by his decisions. Tsk! his family thinks I'm rude! Big deal.
The more I was able to disengage, the easier it got. I stopped handing anybody alcohol - he's the only one who's ever noticed. At first he would rant at me, now he just gives me one disgusted look.
Good luck, and hang in there!
- Sylvie