SoloMio

My MIL died three weeks ago. AH got through it pretty well, I thought. He's always been very close to her, and in fact, two years ago, we moved her to live in the house next door. So I expected a rough time, but it was just delayed.

Now he's using it as an excuse to ramp up his drinking. Because of the drinking he's been exhibiting depressive behavior--"I'm finished. I have nothing" kind of talk. I have told him drinking is only going to worsen how he feels, but of course, that doesn't matter.

I really don't know how much more of this I can take. I gave him $20 for gas yesterday, and he came back drunk, with an empty tank. My daughter texted me from work asking "Is Dad wasted? He sent me a teary message saying how much he loves me."

Then when I confronted him about the gas, he denied, over and over that he spent the money drinking. He insisted he spent $10 on gas.

Do I have be the one to fill his gas tank because he can't take $20 to the gas station? Do I have to be the one to buy the food, and sit in judgement on his every request for every dime? He is not working much--his business has dropped off to nothing, so now it's a matter of his spending the money I earn, and I'm sure as heck not going to throw my hard-earned money down the tubes. But that means I have to patrol his every expenditure, and do all the purchasing for household stuff so I can control the cash.

And if I decide to run away to a temporary rental for the winter, which I am thinking about, am I cruel to do it right after he lost his mother?

I'm one of the folks here who truly loves her AH when he's sober, which is why I've hung in for so long. We have a very close family, which makes me reticent to be the one to break it up, but I just can't sit and watch this slow suicide. It's just too painful. I really am doing better with the letting stuff happen and not being all codie, but every now and then I, too, fall off the wagon. It's easier to tolerate when he's the happy, lovey drunk, but this sad, morose drunk is hard to watch.