For me, FiveYearZen, what my relationships with other people ultimately boil down to is whether or not I have Peace and Serenity with them in my life. When I am unhappy in a relationship for whatever reason, and when history shows that my expectations of the other person are not being met, something has to give. I either have to lower my expectations, or make some change. If I keep lowering my expectations but still there is no Peace and Serenity, I have to decide what change needs to be made in my life in order to get back to Peace and Serenity.
Is your life, the way you are living with it, unmanageable? How long do you want to live with it the way that it is? Is this relationship enough for you if it never changes and if she never stops drinking? Have you gone to any Al-Anon meetings? Have you practiced Detachment or set Boundaries with the alcoholic? There are many tools available to you through Al-Anon that will help you in this situation. I recommend giving a few meetings a try.
I am a recovering alcoholic. Whenever I have included in my life people who continue to drink alcohol, I have eventually relapsed. Not saying this is everyone's truth, but for this reason, I do not allow these folks into my life anymore. Again, because I desire Peace and Serenity for my life, my sobriety is my NUMBER ONE priority. If invited to be around any drinking or partying, I decline. IMO, the bargaining and finger-pointing she is doing (pointing out you hang with drinkers and the "If you do this, I'll do that") is all part of what I have heard folks in the Program refer to as "Partners In Crime." Do you want to revert to that old way of relating?
I hope something I have said here is helpful to you.