akrasia

Hi everyone,

I haven't been posting, but I have been lurking.

My husband hasn't drunk in two months. For those of you who missed my earlier posts: he'd been struggling with alcohol for the past few years, and then from winter through July there was just binge after binge. In June I brought him to the ER with withdrawal symptoms, then in July he had his worst binge yet, actually drove drunk and put a dent in the car.

I had already reserved an apartment for myself, because I knew I'd had enough. But after recovering from his July binge he got a counselor, whom he likes, and he told me he wants to recover. He's not drinking any alcohol at all. So I cancelled the apartment. I never told him about it. He might have guessed; who knows.

So that's his deal, he may or may not be successful in recovering. We've had quite a happy couple of months though. (And, yes, I'm sure he's not drinking--he can't really drink at all without sliding into a binge.)

I've told myself that if he starts up again I'm just going to leave, rather than wait around for him to drive drunk again and kill a child, or set the house on fire, or whatever the hell else.

So it's a weird place to be: if I see an apartment complex on the way to work I make a mental note, just in case. Then at the same time I'm clearing a space in the back garden to plant gooseberries in the spring. Those are the two futures--one with him drunk and me elsewhere, another with us here together and happy. I see both futures shimmering in the air before me.

Thanks for listening.