NightandDay, to me it sounds like you've made a huge realization. One to be proud of! You've seen that you're trying to fill the void with someone, something, anything except self-love and acceptance, and your HP. That's awesome...good for you!!!
Who knows if codies are sicker than addicts...I don't think that's even measurable...or that it matters. What DOES matter is that you have an Awareness, you're working on Acceptance, and you can start taking Action to heal you.
It's worth it, right? To go through this hard work, so that one day you can take a walk to Blockbuster with your significant other, whomever that may be, and be completely at peace with yourself...no matter the circumstances, no matter the partner you've chosen or what his issues might be...no partner will ever be perfect. But you will have your peace anyway!
And when you do, you'll probably find yourself with that person who makes your motor run
and loves you for who you are...not some guy trying to fill his own void. It's so worth it!
Powerless? Yes, but not over yourself. Unmanageable? Only if you let it get the best of you. I know how hard this Step One stuff is. I'm struggling too. But I think you're doing amazing!