When I made the break from Mr.Sofa, it was one of the hardest things I have ever done. I do love him, he's an amazing man...when he's sober.
Which, over a span of 10 years, was very rare.
When "the time" had come...and I was faced with standing by my boundaries... I almost chickened out. I couldn't do it!!! I was so angry with myself for not having the strength to stand up for myself. So I went into my bedroom and had a LONG LONG talk with myself. I was done with it all, and I knew it. I had reached my own personal bottom with myself and I knew I could never go back to my old ways of enabling. I couldn't take ONE MORE MINUTE of living with an active A.
That night, I decided that I would wait until morning... and the words "I don't want to see you anymore like this, and you need to leave." just couldn't come out of my mouth. So i made the decision to tell him we needed to "separate" for a little while.
Those words I knew I could muster up and get out. It seemed less "final" and way more "doable" in my tormented state.
It has been 8 months since we parted ways. Each day in the first week of being away from him was tough. It was as if I was going through my own personal detox from him and the chaos. I didn't know how to function when things were "quiet". It had been a long long time since I had functioned on that level.
I stayed here literally every waking moment that I could. Posted Daily Detox threads just to get it all out and share what I was feeling.
You seem like you have reached your own bottom with this as well....you titled this
"I cannot fail" You sound like you are ready to get your life back... and when you're in that mode, you will not fail.
Stay here with us and we will be holding your hand through it. It's gonna be tough...but the only way "out" is "through"....
one day at a time.