Harry01854

Yes, the reopening of emotional wounds. I did keep my lists from my Step 4 Inventory upon suggestion of my sponsor. Making me aware I would need it for Step 8.

"Faith without works is dead." We have a list of all persons we have harmed and to whom we are willing to make amends. We made it when we took inventory. We subjected ourselves to a drastic self- appraisal.”

And I return to the Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions book.

“STEPS Eight and Nine are concerned with personal relations.
First, we take a look backward and try to discover
where we have been at fault; next we make a vigorous attempt
to repair the damage we have done; and third, having
thus cleaned away the debris of the past, we consider how,
with our newfound knowledge of ourselves, we may develop
the best possible relations with every human being we
know.” Quoted from 12x12, Step 8, 1st para, page 77.

So I have to go over the wreckage of my past and everyone I have harmed that was in the path of my destruction. Again I need humility and willingness. I have to redouble my efforts to see how many people I have hurt and in what ways I have done so.

“But if a willing start is made, then the great advantages of doing this will so quickly reveal themselves that the pain will be lessened as one obstacle after another melts away.” Quoted from 12x12, Step 8, bottom p.77 top p.78.

To me, it was embarrassing to tell another human being the nature of my wrongs, although it was something I needed to do. Now I have to come face to face with people I have harmed and tell them I’m sorry and ask for forgiveness. It was not something I would want to do, but had to be willing to do. It would take humility.

“We can go far beyond those things which were superficially wrong with us, to see those flaws which were basic, flaws which sometimes were responsible for the whole pattern of our lives. Thoroughness, we have
found, will pay— and pay handsomely.” Quote from 12x12, Step 8, p80 bottom of second para.
“To define the word “harm” in a practical way, we might call it the result
of instincts in collision, which cause physical, mental, emotional,
or spiritual damage to people. If our tempers are consistently bad, we arouse anger in others. If we lie or cheat, we deprive others not only of their worldly goods, but of their emotional security and peace of mind. We really
issue them an invitation to become contemptuous and vengeful. If our sex conduct is selfish, we may excite jealousy, misery, and a strong desire to retaliate in kind.

Such gross misbehavior is not by any means a full catalogue of the harms we do. Let us think of some of the subtler ones which can sometimes be quite as damaging. Suppose that in our family lives we happen to be miserly, irresponsible, callous, or cold. Suppose that we are irritable, critical, impatient, and humorless. Suppose we lavish attention upon one member of the family and neglect the others. What happens when we try to dominate the whole family, either by a rule of iron or by a constant outpouring of
minute directions for just how their lives should be lived from hour to hour? What happens when we wallow in depression, self-pity oozing from every pore, and inflict that upon those about us? Such a roster of harms done others—the kind that make daily living with us as practicing alcoholics
difficult and often unbearable could be extended almost indefinitely. When we take such personality traits as these into shop, office, and the society of our fellows, they can do damage almost as extensive as that we have caused
at home.” Quoted from 12x12, Step 8, p80 last para and p81 1st para.

And this gives me a good start on harms I have done.

I must remember that yes, some of these people have done me harm. So if I want to ask for forgiveness, I have to forgive.

An example for me was my father. I’m not listing what harm he caused me, but I had to forgive him and mean it, from my heart, before I could even think of asking him to forgive me for the harm I had brought upon him.

Fears, I will always have fears. But I do believe, if God brought me to it, He will guide me through it.

Harry