There are definitely a few I see here that are familiar!
"That isn't mind."
or
"That's old stuff from X_year ago."
"I'm an *******, I know it." (admitting and NOT changing your actions means this is absolute crap)
"I need money so I can give change to customers at the restaurant." (he was a waiter and apparently couldn't get change from the bartender)
Uhhh, ok!
And yes, thank you for this thread. It is very light and much-needed.