I know with certainty that I am not making excuses for my parents. As they get older, they are changing and in many ways, behaviors they couldn't control in the past are becoming more intense and less controllable now.
Could someone else have done a better job raising me? Quite likely. Did my parents have the ability to be better parents? I honestly don't believe so. The set of "parenting tools" that my parents had at their disposal were not great.
My parents wanted to build a grand cathedral in me. They had the equivalent of a hammer and screwdriver to use. I didn't turn into a grand cathedral, but I was structurally sound enough to survive and rebuild myself into what I wanted to be. My parents did the best they could with what they had - I did the rest.