My 21 year old AS was diagnosed with ADD in junior high. He's always had difficulty with relationships - being too needy, needing to control, playing the blame game, just being plain immature. I wish the doctor who gave him the meds for ADD had really emphasized the need for him to have counseling in addition to medication. Those behaviors made it doubly difficult to figure out he had a drug problem later on down the road. He was acting the same as always. Part of recovering from an addiction is learning that he has to take responsibility for his actions, and accept the consequences. I used to tell AS, "we are your parents and we'll always love you, but the rest of the world won't. Having ADD may be an explanation for what's wrong, but it's not an excuse." Your ABF may have co-existing conditions that need to be addressed, by him. Love doesn't always conquer all. You have to take care of your emotional needs, even if he refuses to admit his problems. I agree with the suggestions to go to some Al-Anon meetings.