I come home to find a broken pane of glass in an upstairs window, with blood on the jagged edges of the break, blood on the handle on the inside of the door, and a trail of dripping blood leading to stbx passed out on the door with a cut on his hand that is bleeding over the bed.
stbx: "I don't know how the window got broken, it wasn't me, my brother must have fallen into it"
"I'm on my way home, I'll be there in half an hour"
"I'm drinking (at 8am) because I've been up since 5 with the baby"
"I told you the police have been staking out our house from accross the street for 6 months; "name"'s mate has seen the file"
"I opened the letter containing a credit card and kept it on top of the cupboard" (that isn't in his name and had been misdelivered to our address) "in order to prove that I'm not committing fraud if the police come looking for it"
"I hid the bottles there to catch you out you suspicious *X!*$"
"I slept on the kitchen floor/toilet/doorstep because I didn't want to disturb you"