abn, this is a tough situation, which, I believe many alcoholics face. I do think your spouse needs to vent or explain how she feels, as long as it is not constant... the reason I say not constant is because you need to work on recovery.
I believe, many in recovery who get angry, upset, stressed out, etc. increase the odds to reach for that first drink. A few have mentioned Alon, this maybe a place for her to discuss her feeling with others who have been through a similar situation. However she would need to be open to it.
In my house, I have listen to my hubby about how he felt when I was drinking etc. I have admitted that it was out of control. I explained to him that I need to work on my recovery and that means I need to reduce stress and the feelings of being messed up, and worthless. I said to him, I understand that you haven't felt that I was the perfect wife for a period of time (while I was drinking), but I am taking the steps to rectify it... that being working hard each day on my recovery. He did understand... and now we only talk about it if I want to... whether this is right or wrong... if I want to recover I have to think about me. Don't get me wrong his feelings and thoughts are real and important... and I do feel back about what I did, but he also has to know that I am going through a difficult transition.
Please take care and I hope it work out great for the both of you... keep us posted.