Sesh, I think you put your finger on it. My whole life I never respected myself enough to think I deserved even to have boundaries, let alone have them treated with respect. While AH was in rehab I began figuring out what my boundaries actually are/should be, and I learned that a relationship needs healthy boundaries in order to succeed and grow. Duh. Now I guess I'm at the place where I have to spell them out and explain that I will no longer tolerate them being violated. Wish me luck...I'm scared of losing him and our marriage and the life I've worked so hard for, but I'm a lot more scared of losing myself again! I hope we will be able to work this out, but either way my job is to address my own recovery...so that the next chapter of my life won't be a bitter repetition of this one.