chicory-
since you are a person of faith, have you taken a look at the 12 steps of alanon?
if i was you, i would stop enabling him. this means that you educate yourself on what is enabling.
i found it best to stop trying to control the other person. in my case, that meant that i could not live with him any longer. i needed my own space. simple. once i got my own space, i set to work on my own recovery.
we can not control anyone except for ourselves.
keep posting, keep talking, keep reading. you will find your way, with god's help.
naive